IALAC: Take a Walk In Their Shoes

"You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view - until you climb into his skin and walk around in it."  from "To Kill a Mockingbird" by Harper Lee

Here's another technique we learned in my behavior class.  Not exactly a direct behavior method but a technique that can open your eyes to what your child (or another individual) is feeling like, living their day-to-day life.  Maybe their behaviors stem from the prevalence of negativity in their world.

IALAC stands for "I am lovable and capable."  This is a method of keeping track of the negative and positive moments in a person's day.  Like the Change the Label post I did, this is also a technique that you can do on ANYone... not just kids.  You can even do it on yourself!  Actually now that I think about it you could even do this on your dog!  Cool... I hadn't thought of that before.  Ok, "dog people" you can try this at home too!

Here is how it works:

Read It and Weep: Children's Books That Make This Mama Cry

I recently had the idea to write about the children's books that make me cry.  *I LOVE them.*  I don't know what it is about certain books but I have the hardest time reading them without getting all choked up.  Perhaps I am just a big sap, but I know there are others of you out there who get the same way.  The books in my "crying list" definitely tend to be books about growing-up, the cycle of birth, life and death, moving on, letting go and new beginnings.  A very universal and relatable theme.

Here's my list and then it is your turn to share.  What books do you tearfully read to your kids?

Grandfather's Journey by Allen Say
Pub. by Houghton Mifflin Co. 1993

Grandfather's Journey:  Beautifully written and illustrated by Allen Say.  A boy (Allen Say's own grandfather according to some sources) who grows up in Japan and moves to California as a young man.  Throughout his life he finds he loves where he is but very much misses the places he has left behind.  On a side note: this book, is a great book to give a graduate who loves children's books and obviously a great one for someone who is moving away.

Preparing for Take-off... With Tots in Tow - A Guest Blog Post by MommaOf2

When my friend asked me to submit a blog post to her, re: "traveling with babes and tots" I was a bit intimidated... by no means am I a professional traveler and quite frankly I often seek other moms' advice when it comes to the kids but I have done some traveling both domestic and international with my two tots and there is no denying it, traveling with children not only causes some parents exhausting anxiety but it also sends lots of parents into unchartered territory... so here goes, my small but hopefully helpful take on traveling with our little monsters!

You and Me and These Same Four Walls: Dealing with Bedrest, Sickness or Bad Weather with a Toddler

Recently I saw a blog post on my facebook news feed.  The topic caught my eye.  It was a post about how to deal with a toddler while on bedrest.  I read it, excited to hit "share" as soon as I was done since I have a friend who very well may be in this situation in the near future.  The post was short.  It included 3 or so products to purchase to entertain or help the toddler play indoors.

The post was followed by a list of negative comments from readers.  I didn't hit share.

Instead I took on the challenge of writing a post of the same kind.  This post is chock-full of ideas for any parent or caregiver *with a toddler* who is on bedrest, sick or trapped inside due to weather.

Hey Baby, What's Your Sign?

What is cuter than a puppy or a kitten?

A room full of 1 year olds signing to let you know what they need.

I'll never forget helping in the toddler room where I used to work.  During lunch, all of the little tots would be signing "more more more," and then when they were full they'd all start signing "all done."

"more"

Although you can teach a baby lots of signs, I found that just two signs is all it takes to have a very content baby.  When babies and toddlers have a way to communicate their needs, they don't have as many reasons to cry or throw fits.

Sticks & Stones May Break Bones But Words Can Last Forever

Names.  Not the ones we are given, but the ones others give us.

Names and labels...  Horrible things.

A topic near and dear to me.  Very.

Kids are parrots, I think we can agree on that.  What is more, I noticed when I was a teacher that young kids think their parents' (and other trusted adults') opinions are the law of the land.  Because of this, I feel it is important that we model "Person First Language" and show our kids that all individuals are worthy of being treated with dignity and equality.

Two moments I will never forget:

When I was a teacher, a sweet little 5 year old in my class said she thought that people "with black skin" were bad people.  I remember the torturous feeling inside of me as I looked for words to say to her.  I didn't want to stand by silently and I didn't want to contradict her parents, who had taught her this.

My other memory was when I had my little cousin along with me as we were shopping for a new fridge, she was 5 at the time.  Down the aisle from us was a man using an oxygen tank on wheels.  He walked slowly down the aisle pulling the tank along.  I stood there for a moment praying that my little cousin wouldn't say anything rude.  She looked up at me and said, "Do you think we should move to the next aisle so that that gentleman can come down this aisle?"  I smiled (totally impressed) and said, "I think that is a very nice idea, sure."

You hold the remote control to your child's belief system; what are you going to do with it?

Yes~Oui~Da~Si~Ja... Saying "YES!" to Kids

Another important lesson we learned, in the behavior course that I took, is how to say "YES!"
We know that kids hear "NO!" on a regular basis.

Well, this post is for the toddlers, the "No Davids" and every kid in between.

I used to think that a way to avoid saying "no" so often was to say "no" in a nicer way.
You know, like...
"Please use walking feet."
"Please use an inside voice."
"Please sit quietly."
Putting a positive and polite twist on "no," is still "no."

Now, if you are a kid, and you hear "no" all of the time (no matter how it is worded) you'll get pretty frustrated.  Adults also say "no" by saying "go to time-out."  Many kids who hear "no" often are the same kids who get put into time-out on a regular basis... quite the double whammy.
"No" builds up anger, it knocks down self worth and it doesn't fix behaviors.

Here is how to say YES.

The Essential Baby Stuff - Part 2 - Harvey Karp

image from Amazon.com

I want to continue with last week's topic of "things that every hospital should teach new parents..." meet Harvey Karp.
Every generation has a baby guru: Spock, Leach, Sears, Brazelton etc...
I'm just glad that Harvey Karp was the one to listen to when we had our first baby, and he still is today.
His ideas are easy, they make sense and they work.

The Essential Baby Stuff - Part 1 - Skin-to-Skin

When I hear that someone is about to have a baby there are two things that I really want to share with them.  Then the passive side of me holds me back because I am not one to get in someone's face and tell them how to do things.  I tend to share these techniques only when asked.  These techniques are seemingly not widely taught and yet I can't imagine having not been taught them.

Change the Label... Change the Behavior

Tonight I was going to post about something that is not behavior related because I don't want to define my blog as a blog that is only about behavior methods.  However, I have been having trouble writing the post that I was working on so I am going to go ahead and share another behavior method... the coolest and easiest one.
We learned this method on the second night of my behavior course.  It can be done with any person you know from about age 2 (maybe 1 1/2) up to 102.  Try it; you'll love it!

Here's what you do.
Make a list of your family members, your class, coworkers or any group of people that you are around on a regular basis.
Now, write down the first word you can think of next to each name.
These terms are not suppose to be carefully chosen.  They are not suppose to be kind or nice, just true.  Don't worry you can burn the list later.  In order to do this you need to be completely honest with yourself.

The WHY of Behaviors

What is behavior?  Some might say that behavior = being bad.  But look at it this way: all behavior (particularly for babies and little kids but often for big kids and adults too) is communication.  I know it doesn't sound like it at times but all they are trying to do is tell you what they want/need.  Again, I am pulling directly from the course I took on behavior.  This was so eye opening to me when we learned this.
All behavior shown by babies and little kids (and often others) is to either get something or avoid something.  It is that simple.  Once you figure out what they are trying to get or avoid you have something tangible to work with.

Amazing Alternative to Time-Out: Doing Conflict Resolution with Kids

image from internet

"What??" you say...  "What's wrong with time-out?!  Why do I need an alternative to it?!  Everybody uses time-outs."
Well those are all the things I thought too.

During the fall of 2009 I took a course designed for ECE (Early Childhood Education) teachers.  It was a course entirely on behavior.  The course was the single best class I have ever taken (that is coming from someone who loved almost every education class she's had).  Every human being who comes in contact with a child should take this class but since that is not possible I want to share some of the amazing techniques we learned here on my blog.

So I will get back to the point.  Why do we need alternatives to time-out?  What is wrong with time-out in the first place?