3.14.2012

Change the Label... Change the Behavior

Tonight I was going to post about something that is not behavior related because I don't want to define my blog as a blog that is only about behavior methods.  However, I have been having trouble writing the post that I was working on so I am going to go ahead and share another behavior method... the coolest and easiest one.
We learned this method on the second night of my behavior course.  It can be done with any person you know from about age 2 (maybe 1 1/2) up to 102.  Try it; you'll love it!

Here's what you do.
Make a list of your family members, your class, coworkers or any group of people that you are around on a regular basis.
Now, write down the first word you can think of next to each name.
These terms are not suppose to be carefully chosen.  They are not suppose to be kind or nice, just true.  Don't worry you can burn the list later.  In order to do this you need to be completely honest with yourself.



Here is an example list:
Joe - silly
Tracy - bully
Ally - quiet
Mark - kind
Jenny - brave
Brian - grumpy

Ok, so there is a list.  No one has to see it... don't worry.
Look at the list.
Pick a label that seems like it needs to be changed for the better.  You can pick any of them; it is completely your choice.  In this case let's use Tracy.

Now I'll be honest, that list above is completely made up, however, the word "bully" is not.  When I did this exercise with my class that was the word that was next to one of the names and that child was the one that I used for this exercise.  S/he wasn't necessarily a bully in my point of view but border lining on it, yes.  On top of that, I had spent the first week of school hearing from class parents how that child bullied their child the year before, and how I better not let that child bully their child in my class this year.
So I picked that child.  The "bully."  Big word these days.  Do you think you can change a "bully" without actually directly addressing the issue of bullying?
You can.  You can change any behavior of any individual that you come in contact with regularly.

Here is what you do next.
Now, you are going to quietly observe this person/child until you can figure out something really positive about them.  Everyone has something redeeming.
What I figured out when I did my observing is that this child, "the bully" loved to help out.  This was something I only realized when I looked for something positive about this child.
Next step?  Re-label that child/individual.


Joe - silly
Tracy - bully helpful
Ally - quiet
Mark - kind
Jenny - brave
Brian - grumpy

Ok, now what you do is to expect Tracy to be helpful and give her many opportunities to be helpful.  What you were doing before was expecting Tracy to bully other children.  You are re-labeling this individual... so completely ignore the old label in your head.  Put a huge amount of emphasis on the new label.  Overdo it.
In my case it looked something like this (only tenfold):
"Tracy, I need help carrying these cups, can you help me please?!" Sometimes I put extra drama on the "please?!" to really hook "Tracy" into helping me.
"Tracy, Mark needs help reaching that toy, can you help him get it please?"
"Tracey, I need someone to hold the book while I point to the words.  Can you be my book holder please?"

After a week of this Tracy was not trying to bully other kids.  No joke.  Tracy was looking to me to see how she could be helpful in any way and beaming when asked.  Tracy was also starting to offer help to others, realizing how good the positive attention felt and realizing she had a place of importance in this world.

Now, I fully expect everyone that has read this to try this out on someone.  Give it one week.  Feel free to share what happened below in the "Comments" section.  I've purposely made it so that anyone can post a comment.  You don't need to sign-in or sign-up for anything.


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11 comments:

  1. This sounds really great! Thanks for sharing this idea/experience. I will definitely try this and share!

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  2. I want to recommend the book Everything is Normal Until Proven Otherwise. Without exactly laying it out the way that you have, the author essential used this technique on adults. Adults who were gang members, drug addicts, etc. The book is the story of wraparound services.
    I believe that the problem is that most teachers, counselors, corrections officers, juvenile services staff, and parents too don't know any of this stuff. There are exceptions. However, the exceptions seem to be the people who work with mostly voluntary programs, not state-mandated ones. Personally, I think most state-mandated programs, at least in Florida, are more detrimental than the original situation that brought the family into care in the first place. The majority of the time, if the state had worked with these people's positive traits, SO MUCH good could have been done.
    Anyhow, my only concern with this technique in regards to "Tracy," is that I can see how a child who was well-behaved might have felt slighted. The "I was good. Why don't I get to be the helper?"
    I agree with the technique. I'm just bringing up a possible scenario.

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    1. I understand your point completely.
      There are two things to consider. One is that you really only need to go overboard with focussing on the new label for about a week. Then after that you just need to keep it in mind and focus on it but not to the same degree (ie other kids could certainly be helpers in the case above). Secondly, being a special ed teacher I firmly believe that sometimes you do things for certain kids that you don't do for all the others. Each child should be treated as an individual and have their needs met regardless of the fact that you are not doing the same thing for all of the other kids. If you treat all the children with respect and address their individual needs then no one will have a problem with it (I've seen this in action I'm not just speculating). For example, I've seen a child who is better off being able to stand at his desk rather than sit most of the time so that his body had more space to move when he needed to. There are kids that benefit from sitting on a air filled cushions or kids that need to take walking breaks with an adult. The other kids in the class just understand that that child needs to be able to do things that way. They rarely question it and I've never seen a child be jealous of the one getting the accommodation. The teachers and adults need to create a feeling of complete acceptance of the way things are done and the kids will follow right along.

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  3. I think I did this albeit in a short cut way---but I was intentional. When I was coaching/running a hockey team, I noticed that one young man (13) was a continual trouble maker, always at odds with team work and team behavior. But I noticed his zeal for the sport. Sooo, I made him captain for a game. Captains have a great deal of authority in hockey (the refs speak only to the captain to explain penalties, etc). It worked. While not following your technique to the letter, I think I stumbled on it.

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    1. Awesome! That is the same idea for sure!! All about focussing on something positive with an individual that typically gets attention for negative things.

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  4. I have a person at work who is really mean- in particular to me. I wonder how I can use this on her? About once a month she makes me want to put my head down and cry. Hmmm...

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    1. I'm sure you can find something. Not an easy situation. There has got to be something positive you can find. Typically I'd say this technique is to help the kid/other individual but do it for YOU- you deserve to be treated with respect. Maybe if you can find something to respect in her she'll return the sentiment. Try to figure out if you have something in common that you both care about.

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  6. What is so subtle about this technique is that what changes first is me, you, the person applying this method. Really the title for this particular blog could be "Change the Label...Change Your Behavior in Order to Change the Other." Transformation begins at home!

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