Put the Device Down!

I *love* technology.
I also *love* that we live in a unique area where there is no cell service.
I know, mind blowing, isn't it?
What that means is that when people are hanging out with their children or friends here... they're JUST hanging out together!
No one checks their phone.
No one checks anything.

Eye contact and togetherness happen.
It is a beautiful thing.

When we go anywhere else, it hits me like a brick wall how technology obsessed people are and how much people are ignoring their kids.
We just recently came back from a wonderful family vacation.
This is what we saw a lot of... parents... with their noses and fingers glued to their phones.
Many, many, many of them.
Here's an idea...

3 Ways to Give Kids Your Time and Attention While Still Getting Things Done

Some mom bloggers will tell you that you should spend every moment of your energy and time on your kids because they are growing up so quickly that you're going to miss the good stuff if you spend your time cleaning.  I think that sounds lovely and I love spending time with my kids but when our house gets messy, it makes me feel totally out of sorts and that's not good for my kids either.  Order around me creates order and peace in my mind and that makes me a better parent.  I should also add on a side note that I think kids should know how to and be encouraged to play on their own some of the time.  Kids imaginations can soar when they are left alone.

So, what is the happy medium between ignoring them all of the time in order to keep everything perfect and spending all of your time with them and letting everything else fall to shambles?

If you are looking for this kind of balance, here are 3 very clear rules to set for yourself.

A Cure For Mean Words: Warm Fuzzies and Cold Pricklies

If you call a kid out for insulting another they will often say either that they were just kidding or that they didn't say anything.  The insults tend to be used at just the right moment when they are closer to the victim then you are... and they say it just loud enough for the victim to hear it but not you.  This makes addressing the issue difficult at times.

On top of that, kids often don't truly understand what it feels like to be at the wrong end of an insult.  They do, however, know that when they insult another child that they get attention (and power) from it.

Do you remember as a child laughing at that moment that one kid called another a name, even though you knew how wrong it was.  It is similar to when a child sees an adult get hurt and laughs.  It is almost uncontrollable, like a nerve reaction.  No matter how uncontrollable the audience's reaction is... what it does is feeds the ego of the name caller and results in more of the same.

*  *  *  *  *

I remember hearing a story at overnight camp about "Warm Fuzzies" but that wasn't the first thing I thought of when I had a class of five year olds saying not very nice things to each other.

Generally speaking my group had been quite nice to each other but they had recently hit a rough patch and I wanted some new ideas.

I consulted with my coworker who had been working with kids for far longer than I had, and was always full of good ideas.

Here's what she said to do?  Make a "cold prickly" and a "warm fuzzy."  I asked her about it and she explained what that meant.

Hey Baby, What's Your Sign?

What is cuter than a puppy or a kitten?

A room full of 1 year olds signing to let you know what they need.

I'll never forget helping in the toddler room where I used to work.  During lunch, all of the little tots would be signing "more more more," and then when they were full they'd all start signing "all done."

"more"

Although you can teach a baby lots of signs, I found that just two signs is all it takes to have a very content baby.  When babies and toddlers have a way to communicate their needs, they don't have as many reasons to cry or throw fits.

Sticks & Stones May Break Bones But Words Can Last Forever

Names.  Not the ones we are given, but the ones others give us.

Names and labels...  Horrible things.

A topic near and dear to me.  Very.

Kids are parrots, I think we can agree on that.  What is more, I noticed when I was a teacher that young kids think their parents' (and other trusted adults') opinions are the law of the land.  Because of this, I feel it is important that we model "Person First Language" and show our kids that all individuals are worthy of being treated with dignity and equality.

Two moments I will never forget:

When I was a teacher, a sweet little 5 year old in my class said she thought that people "with black skin" were bad people.  I remember the torturous feeling inside of me as I looked for words to say to her.  I didn't want to stand by silently and I didn't want to contradict her parents, who had taught her this.

My other memory was when I had my little cousin along with me as we were shopping for a new fridge, she was 5 at the time.  Down the aisle from us was a man using an oxygen tank on wheels.  He walked slowly down the aisle pulling the tank along.  I stood there for a moment praying that my little cousin wouldn't say anything rude.  She looked up at me and said, "Do you think we should move to the next aisle so that that gentleman can come down this aisle?"  I smiled (totally impressed) and said, "I think that is a very nice idea, sure."

You hold the remote control to your child's belief system; what are you going to do with it?

The WHY of Behaviors

What is behavior?  Some might say that behavior = being bad.  But look at it this way: all behavior (particularly for babies and little kids but often for big kids and adults too) is communication.  I know it doesn't sound like it at times but all they are trying to do is tell you what they want/need.  Again, I am pulling directly from the course I took on behavior.  This was so eye opening to me when we learned this.
All behavior shown by babies and little kids (and often others) is to either get something or avoid something.  It is that simple.  Once you figure out what they are trying to get or avoid you have something tangible to work with.